sianz

sianz

sianz

hahahahahhaha

just tired...

well, ya i know...

JUZ TIRED...

anyway, now i m converting my itunes songs to mp3 format...
just for the sake of my brother...

hahahahaz

and trust me i have 8GB worth of songs

so i m happily converting...

sianz....

tired...

head spinning...

hahahhaz

today is the last day of 2005...

mayb later going countdwn...

sleepy....

ystdy filming is fun, tirin, hot, rewarding...

yea man...

thanks chris and eungene for the help of being talents...

ok too tired to type...

=)

whheeyyy

i am back blogging...

hehe

okok..

28th December...
Finally we start our production...

yea....

Making Chris as my talent...
I think that I made a wrong choice...

hahahhaz

"Where's he now?"
Damn I just can't pronounce the sentence properly and make a great joke out of it...
hahahaz

Wat to do...

haiz...

ok filming was fun...
But y m I the 2nd talent ...

damn i shd haf find another person.

hahahahz

oh no I was late for weelee BBQ...
but i still got filming..
so i continue filming until it ended

and i cabbed dwn to pasir ris park dere...

hahhahaz
in the cab , taxi uncle told me that the best pub is at pasir ris...
as environment very cool.

hahahahz

ya true...
sometimes really miss those times (Nite cycling...)

hahhahahahaz

Well, life is different now...
hehe

thank u auntie(weelee mama) for serving me food...
hahahahz

ok i know i eat alot...

hahahahz

ok then after the whole day we helped carry things into weelee's cab and say bye bye to weelee n family.

So now only leaving with me, jerry, ronnie, YC, bang han and norli...
we walked all the way to send YC home first...

then ronnie waited for his bus 21...
as for the rest we waited for bus 17...
finally bus arrived...

Norli drop off at tamp area...

and for we 3, we continue until we reached Bedok...

had supper...
reminds me of supper cellgp...

hahahahz
miss supper cellgp...

but due to my busy schedule,
haiz...

i wanna go back to have fun..
and praise the lord...

hehe

we chat until 2.45am...
hehehehehe

reach home...

tired..

knock out...

29 dec

filming is tiring...
trust me it is...

but fun...

30 dec

SUBJECT SELECTION...
not a big thing anymore...

no matter wat still got to see tommy...
hahahhaaz

ok byez

hahahaz

seriously manz...

if one day i really kill myself...

i dun find it wierd...

hahahaz

living in insane hell...

i wanna go heaven...

what has happen to me?

EMO is the rite word to use...

okok...

everything that I do is wrong...

i fall many times...
i pick myself up again many times...

this time round i feel like giving up...

love, studies, and even life...

i m becoming a hermit..

i hide from everyone...

i dunno why...

life is hard to go on...

then y must there b life???

or shd i say y m i given a life???
y can't some other ppl who needs it get it???

i dunno...

alot of things has been going thru my mind...

i dunno y?
m i crazy going insane...???

i dunno...

i saw blood in my mind...
is it satan trying to destroy my life?

well, if that's true,
i will at least donate all my organs to those who needs it b4 i die...

at least i can save ppl...

haha

well, i think i shd not donate my heart and brain as they are very EMO...

i am back to the stage of thinking death...

hahahahaz

well dun ask me y?

mayb i know why but i m not telling u ppl...

maybe it is

DEPRESSION

haiz.....

oh ya forgot to blog...
hahahz
on the way to bugis ystdy with deardear
on BUS 23...

we saw a box of durex condom
just on the ground in front of us...

hahahhaz

ok that's all...

( alot of inside jokes.... *heeheehee*)

whheeeyyy

hahahhaz

hello ppl long time no see...

hope that u guys had a very blessed christmas and also a good one...
Throw away all unhappiness and start everything afresh.
(will i say that sentence again during new year?)

hahahaz

lIFE is like that lor...
now i m updating u ppl...

i have update u guys on christmas eve and christmas day.
so now POST christmas day...
hur hur hur

hahhahaz

that means ystdy la...

well meet jamie quite early.
then took a bus to BUGIS...

on the way there, XH and meimei call me...

hahahhaaz

then reach bugis ler...
go walk walk...
and reach bugis junction...

bought deardear a poohbear...
then continue to walk walk.

then bought a new wallet... with deardear sponsor me some money...
hahahahaz

then go eat Pastamania...
yum yum...

ok i m hungry now AGAIN

hahahhaz

then we go to take a bus to great world city
at first wana catch the 6 plus movie de...
but too bad...

no more liao...

so we bought the 9 plus movie ticket.
and we catch the movie KING KONG

hahhahahahahaz

Oh my...
this is a damn cool movie...

but there's still alot of hrs b4 movie starts.
so we went walk walk...

then we bought something for we 2...
hahahaz

something that looks really cool...
hehe
a wrist thingy...
forgot what is its name...

hehe

then we took a shuttle bus back to Orchard...
we walk walk...
we went to ACO at wheellock...
wow...

thinking of that...
my mom is buying me the video ipod soon.
whheeyy

hahahhaz
i want the 60GB... black video ipod...
hehehehe

yes i m greedy...
hehe

and we continue to walk walk...
and we bought famous amos cookies...
cost me $9.50
hahahaz

then we took a bus back to great world

oh ya, at 9 plus...
while waiting ouside the cinema
we saw 2 familiar faces

they are the project superstar couple who claims that they r not...
hahahz
ya they are junyang and du hui ping.
hahhaahz

there's only 2 of them.
hahahz
they bought only 1 drink.
and their movie starts at 9pm but they went in at ard 9.15pm.
so u shd know what i mean.

hahahaz

then me n deardear also go in for our movie...
hehe
KING KONG is a super nice movie

GO catch it...

hehe

and after the movie, we walk all the way to Orchard to catch a cab home...

a note to SBS, please have ight owl bus services during public holidays too.
hahahaz

ok that's all.

whheeyyy

MERRY CHRISTMAS

celebrate this day with christ...

hahahaz

ok i am HIGH...

how i spend my christmas day...

with family
at SIM LIM
buy lots of stuff...

wahahahhaha

HOW I SPEND MY CHRISTMAS EVE

with my com
then with my old friends...
hahahz

not with jamie...
as i will b celebrating post christmas with her...
=)

nite went to Orchard...
wa lau eh...
Orchard is really like wat the...
at first we r not armed...
then later,
we bought ourselves snow sprays...
and here we go...
hahhahaaz

spray at ppl we dun like
spray at ppl who attack us...

But we say that we will not spray at infants and mothers and also children below 4...
hahahahaz

damn fun...

then tok a bus to esplanade...

CHEY

no fireworks...

but still there's spraying...

and then took a cab home...

=)

ok i m hungry...

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

The Movie Of Your Life Is Film Noir

So what if you're a little nihilistic at times? Life with meaning is highly over-rated. Your best movie matches: Sin City, L. A. Confidential, Blade Runner

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

On Average, You Would Sell Out For

$1,123,950

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

Your Heart Is Blue

Love is a doing word for you. You know it's love when you treat each other well. You are a giving lover, but you don't give too much. You expect something in return. Your flirting style: Friendly Your lucky first date: Lunch at an outdoor cafe Your dream lover: Is both generous and selfish What you bring to relationships: Loyalty

What Color Heart Do You Have?

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

How Scary Are You?

Your 2005 Song Is

Since You've Been Gone by Kelly Clarkson "But since you've been gone I can breathe for the first time I'm so moving on" In 2005, you moved on.

What Hit Song of 2005 Are You?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage pessimistically. You don't think happy marriages exist anymore. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Ideal Relationship is Polyamory

You want to have your cake... and everyone else's. Which isn't a bad thing, if everyone else gets to eat too! You're too much of a free spirit to be tied down by a traditional relationship. You think relationships should be open and free, with few restrictions.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time. You tend to give more than take in relationships. You tend to get very attached when you're with someone. You want to see your love all the time. You love your partner unconditionally and don't try to make them change. You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

How Are You In Love?

whhheeyyyy...

I am still in school...

and sianz...

ok bored...

sianz

emo...

hahaha

life in design is quite meaningless...

ok symptons of despression...

check out those posters ard the school...
and trust me,

I got all...

so m i having depression?

hehe

maybe...

that is why, Jackywinson-san is always EMO...

today was late for PCOMD meeting...
but everything goes well...

then met dear for lunch...
ate hor fun...

then go for 3d class...
today was ultra emo, stress....

and everything goes wrong...
i dunno why...

my bird looks like dunno wat...
haiz...

why.....

m i suitable for design?

I am not the best...

Video, I am not the best as so many ppl do better... (post pro, pre pro, pro)
website, I can code... but not the best, stan-san and they all are scary... and I dun do flash...
2d ani, I can't draw... my drawing sux...
3d ani, getting INTO my nerves... I sux at it...

wat's more...

wat m i good at?
i dunno...

i can code html and java... but i am not the best
I can do videos, but i am not the best
i can draw but i am not the best
i can do modelling but i am not the best...

so wat m i???

everytime, i reflect...
i am left alone...
I sux at everything...
I lose all confidence...

where is the me?

just ignore me...
hahahaz

anyways, I must say sorry in advance...
as nowadays i am bad tempered...

DEPRESSION

EMO

hahaha

ok.... watever...

i blog again..

i blog more when i am busy, tired, emo ...

hahhaz

christmas is comin

merry christmas..

whhheeyyy

well today is a ok day for me...

i feel that my life is so screwed...

hahahahaz

well, do u ever notice y there are so many depression poster in sch?

becoz everyone's emo...

hahahahaz

how dare u ppl, steal my design philosophy...

wahahahhahaz

ok crap is enuff..

sianz liao...

byez

well
today alot of ppl emo...

the entry that u will b seeing mayb a bit emo...
but trust me, i am not emo but sleepy...
my eyes are dry...

lol

sometimes i really dunno what the lord has plan for me.
is design the way for me?
i dunno...

i used to like performing arts... (basically drama)
and i always like singing but i dun sing in front of u guys becoz...
i am not ______________-....
hahahaz

ok i dun sing well...
ya i know...

now i m in IMD/MOI
wateva u call it...
majoring in video and 3d...
wtf...

i seriously dunno will i do a good video? or 3d stuff...
my skills sux...

i maybe slightly better in video but still i sux...
i am currently still SIP-less...
i dun wanna find shirlyn as i dun wan a lousy one that make me sit there for nothing...
i want to do work...
experience videos...

hahahaz

what is a good video?
i dunno
some says story
some say art direction
some say everything...

but for me i will say message and truthful
truthful to urself...
truthful in delivering emotions...

i think if i do video rite...
i can b emo king liao la
as all my stuff are all emo...

hahahaz

that is my design philosophy : EMO
hahahhahaaz

but seriously now i look back...
i dunno haf I wasted my life...
I have fun...
I like what I am doing...

but the question comes back to:
M I GOOD AT IT?

I dunno...

=)

enjoy ur work ppl...

today is a day...
just a day...

another BAD day...
(this is agreed by me and eunice)
hahahahaz

ok for me...
hahahaz

morning wake up 7 plus am...

then remember no classs....

sianz

then play game, chat online, send emails and blar blar blar...

then msn dear dear to remember to eat...

then at 2 plus reach sch to return equipment
and i took a freaking cab down to school..
and guess wat the uncle ask me, hey, u ppl doing videos and photography rite...
then i say ya, as he saw my tripod...
anyway u ppl got take nude stuff de rite...

errrrr.... i say no... and i smile...
he say aiya u ppl dun think is porn , it is art ok...
then i smile and speechless...

hello, videographers and photographers come out with stories... not porn...
wa lau eh

haiz...
ok reach sch le...
i spend $3.90 on cab...

heehee

then return equipment.
saw lee-lan (1)

wanted to borrow yr 3 cam
but dun haf...

so go out for awhile...
as a yr 3 go n return her equipments...
hahaha

then me n eunice went back in again and borrow year 3 cam...
hahahaz
saw lee-lan again (2)

then settle borrow yr 3 cam liao...
then walk out of store...

then shitz...
don haf mini dv tape...

so go back store to ask for a mini dv tape
saw lee-lan again (3)
but she say dun haf...

then we went back up to level 5..
we went to find gail...
but she is not in...
went down to find sharon...
she call us to go to store... but i say lee-lan say dun haf...
so she say go n buy...
then we went up to find wahidah...

she say that lee-lan got recycled tapes...
so i went down to sharon there and tell her that i going down to borrow mini dv tape...
but if anything sharon help me tok tok lor...
she says ok

then went down again...
saw lee-lan (4)
and borrow out 1 mini dv tape..

then went up to meet eunice and siyuan...
have some time figure out what to do...
and happen to find out our cam dun work...

so we went down to store again...
saw lee-lan (5)

then she says she will look at what problem ...

then at 4.30 we go back store...

and saw lee-lan (6)

and the yr 3 cam cannot make it so we return and repair...
then we borrow the yr 2 cam...

hahahaz

then we went to eat then
back to 3d lab

but nothing to do as too late...
so we play games...
http://www.monkeyinthepants.com

hahahaz

and end of story...

= today we do nothing

haiz...

The results of your analysis say:

You plan ahead, and are interested in beauty, design, outward appearance, and symmetry.
You are a shy, idealistic person who does not find it easy to have relationships, especially intimate ones.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You are self-confident and like to bring attention to yourself.

click here if you wanna check yours out... http://handwriting.feedbucket.com/

Youth


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

lalallalala

wateva

tired...

well,
days flies...

nite flies too...

hahahaz

ystdy 3d is maddness...

at first we start with our gp thing then go for break...

and when we comes back, it is terrible...

hahaha

then went to bassfish dere...

quite fun...

then go for meeting...

ahzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

yea today no school...

whheeeyyy

BUT BORED...

tmr got submission...
pcomd vanni class de

haiz

ok byez

My japanese name is 石丸 Ishimaru (round stone) 駿 Shun (fast person).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.

ok i m feeling damn stressed up...

i dunno y...

this is a tight feeling...

mayb i m rushing my life...

arghs...

happy birthday to xinyu meimei...

hahhaz

ok back to do work...

i am damn stressed...

tmr got to submit 2 scfun stuff and till now 0% done...
and also submit PCOMD reflection also 0% done...

and now i am sick...

a bit feverish...
and body is tired...

hehe

well, life is like that lor...
work work work...

but quite fun

and tiring

wat m i toking???

errr... random stuff...

byez

whhheeeyyy

i am happy...

i have finally bought a set of Dan Brown books.

whhheeyyyy..
there's DA VINCI CODE, ANGELS AND DEMONS, DECEPTION POINT and DIGITAL FORTRESS...

hahahahaz


and it cost only $39 plus at popular...

whhheeeyyyy...

I am so happy...

I can finally fulfil my reading mind...

hehehe

ok now i will start on my inter-something and news report and also PCOMD reflection.

hahahhaz

no time to play...

ALL WORK, NO PLAY!

lalala...
i am bored...

today i wake up late
and thus unable to make it to church...
haiz...

well, today is really my rest day...
wwwhhhhheeeeyyyy

damn i haven settle my SIP
hahahaz

To christine

Hi,

just read your blog... and couldn't find the tagboard...
and i oso read XH's blog too...

well, that is what i will say, that is what friends for...

if you got any problems, dun keep it in your heart...
well i oso have this problem too..

but at least i try...

well, imd din do anything wrong to u rite?
Design is something that is unusual.
that is y we are being selected to be in this school.

dun keep on saying all the fucking words...
as it doesn't help...
u wanted to do ur SIP in a webbie company...
but do u have enuff skills?
what i mean is enuff... not got or not?

like me, i wanted to do 3d animation...
But I dun haf enuff skills...
so I go for video as I got enuff skills dere...
although I haven got into any company yet...
but i believe that i will still be in video for SIP...

so, dun really put urself in such a stress position...

look at your portfolio...
what do you think is the best?
what are you exactly good at?
photography?
illustration?
I dunno...

so that is one thing that you must look into..

well, stop complaining bout $$$...
u spend a lot of $$$ on unwanted stuff...
so, do think b4 u buy anythin...
hahhaaz

if really want to complaint about $$$
then i think i shd be the one to complain...
if my family happens to really cannot pay for my sch fees..
then i shall haf to quit sch and go NS...

haiz...

as your friend (I still dunno whether u still treat me as 1 or not? but i think u still treat me as ur friend... )(hahaz),
I can only say dun complain too much bout life...
as no matter how much u complain it is no use...

so why not try to enjoy life...
and glad o know that ur health is getting better...

hahahaz

so, hope that u will be happy and stay content with ur life...

anything u can still look for me, chris, XH or any of ur friends...
as we r still ur friends...
and want to b true friends...

ok...

tata...

the end...

smile...

Hello people...
If you got extra cash ...
this album is what I got to intro you...
She's my senior anyway...
as in my drama senior...

hahahaz
the songs in there is quite nice...
so you should go and search for this album...
hahahahaz
(Precious Stones >>> Olivia Ong)

Shout of the King

I give You praise for You deserve it
I give You praise for what You've done
I give You praise for You are able
I give You praise 'til I overcome

I give You praise when the sun is shining
I give You praise in the dark of night
I give You praise when the battle rages
I give You praise 'til it works out right

The shout of the King is among us
God lives here in our praises
The shout of the King is among us
Praise Him praise Him
Praise Him in everything

Heaven opens as we sing Your praise
Angels join us as we praise Your name

Now that you're near

Hold me in Your arms
Never let me go
I wanna spend eternity with You

(verse 1)
I stand before You, Lord
And give You all my praise
Your love is all I need
Jesus, You're all I need

(verse 2)
My life belongs to You
You gave Your life for me
Your grace is all I need
Jesus, You're all I need

(pre chorus)
Hold me in Your arms
Never let me go
I wanna spend eternity with You

(chorus)
And now that You're near
Everything is different
Everything's so different, Lord
And I know I'm not the same
My life You've changed
And I wanna be with You
I wanna be with You

(bridge)
And I will sing for You always
'Cause in Your presence God is where I wanna stay

well, having been walking with the lord ...
but in this walk...
it is quite tough as there's a lot of things that stop me...

now i am not regular in my quiet time with GOD.

sorry lord...
being human is insane...
hahahz

I m now trying to be more regular in my quiet time.

I pray that more companies can email me back...

hahahaz

i pray for being able to be accepted in a company soonz for my SIP...

lord...
just wanna be with u forever...

=)

whhheeyyyy

today is so fun...

at 3am plus i reached stan-san hse...

WAT THE ...........

hahahahaz

dun worry, as I only need chris imac to decode my video...

hehehe

well...

stayed thruout

then went to the sofa dere..

and lets say 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...

and there i go in my darkness world of rest...

hahahahz

then when i wake up it is already 8 plus...

hehe

oh shit my morning interview is at 9am...

and I din go for that...

but i received an email from that boss asking me to call him back and arrange another interview.

hahahaz

then at 2.45pm.
I chiong cab down to new bridge road for my Ochre Pictures Interview.

wa lao eh...

that place is ok la...
not really hard to find...
i am just blind...

hahahahz

then went for the interview....
very fun...

at first i m a bit nervous as afterall my first interview...
but later i like having presentation like that lor...

u guys shd know how jacky will present himself with alot of gestures.
hahahaz

then show them my portfolio...

and my fav. P2 video

then the lady after watching the skinning video half-way,
she says stop...
okok

hahahaz

then need to wait for call...

sianz

i wish that they could accept me...

hehe

then when i step out to the sofa area,
I saw Priscella and Shermaine(Yr3).
they are also here for interview...

hahahaz

well not only we 3 but there's also alex and rainer ahead of me...
so fun...

and Ochre is damn near Peach Bloosom...

hahahaz

then me and priscella were like saying, next time we can get Xiao hui out to club...

hahahahaz

ok very random i know...

this is me what...

then we went to take MRT...
and i got out saying bye to priscella at raffles place as I need to go orchard to service my fone...

hahahaz

tata...

here I am...

GREEN DAY LYRICS

"Boulevard Of Broken Dreams"

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone

Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk alone

I walk alone
I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone

Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah

I walk alone
I walk a...

I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone...

well, i dunno wat my life will be as a designer.

now i dun even get to close my eyes, rest my mind.

back is aching terribly.

head is spinnng..

I am sleepy...

but got to wake myself up...

now chionging interstitial...
and portfolio...

this thursday got an interview at Academy Video Productions Pte Ltd
9am somemore at tanjong pagar.
well that one is more on video and 3d animation.'

yeah just receive an email from orchre pictures.
they want me to call them.
so i will call them tomorrow.

whhhheeeyyyyy

SIP is driving my crazy.
PComD is driving me nuts.
SCFUN is indeed very fun............. (fun-ke-lan)
video pro, another stress.
3d is damn fun with a group that is quite cool but i somehow regret.
event planning is ok la... i just can't really stand the way CMM gals act as in the way they speak or wateva... errrr... but i dun think that the whole of CMM speaks that way... but overall still OK la....
Sound design is fun and evil.
acting workshop is the most relax module for me...
apel2... hur hur hur..


that's all...

whhhheeeeyyyyyyy

oh ya today or shd i say yesterday,
i got event planning test or quizzzz...
and i think i will fail badly....

as i dunno wat the fuck are all those...

sorry for using the word...

sleepy jacky is always not in the correct mood...

ok back to doing work..
byebye

i apologize if i get pissed off with u or wateva...

as i am tired...

hahahahz

byez

tried doing this in 3d max just now...
hahahaz

quite cool...

whhhheeeyyyy

well i am seriously in a bad mood...

i break down once again...

yes i admit that i wam wrong to be busy...

i know that my time n ur time can nv match...

i know u suffer a lot...

i know that u r seriously fucked up with me...

i know that i dun fit to be anybody dream guy...

i know that i am quite a workaholic...

i know that i dunno how to make ppl happy...

i know all these things

i know that u r unhappy...

feel unloved...

but what can i do...

i seriously i dunno...

shd i kill myself and leave this world...

i can't take it anymore...

i dun wan to put on my smiley mask everyday...

i want to be myself...

i dun wan emotions...

i want to be emotionless...

i want to be hard-hearted...

but...

somehow... i will still put on my mask...

i dunno y...

noone will understand how i feel...

my mom, my dad, my gf, my friends, my buddies, my close friends......

no ones understand the real me...

since secondary sch...
my mom has never support me...

i know that currently i do have financial problems....
if this continues maybe i will have to quit school...

but i m still surviving

i know my family stress...

that is y i never tel them bout my problems , my unhappiness...

as i dun wan to add to their trouble...

i tried my best to make everyone happy...
but ended up i screwed everything...

y???

my mom just quarrel with me...

all bout money...

wat can i do?

i cannot stand anymore...

today she even goes to the extend on if u dun like , go to the press and post an advertisement stating breaking ties...

i seriously dunno wat's up with her now?

she can throw all her temper at me...

but not at my brother....

i dunno...

sometimes i really wonder m i their child?

i dunno...

i know that some might say i have gotten unfair treatment.
but i surrender to my life...
that's my fate.

wat's wrong with me?

i have tons of tons of work to settle...

i get fucked up by clients, teammates, friends, lecturers and many more...

but i kept all inside me...
even my closest friends, buddies, and wateva dun know bout my problem...

as i think that they have their own problem to solve, y add to their trouble?

i am seriously going mad soon...

i remember i was once a freelance...
but i was fucked up by all these clients ...

that's for website...
mainly on java

i remember i was once a person who writes songs...
my music piece is being selected
but someone change a bit (from the music house) and claim that it was done by him...
and i m not paid for that...

fucked

i know i am stupid...
i am silly...
i am brainless...
i am just useless...

y???

people do better than me...
i am the worst...

I am not an ideal son.
I am not an ideal boyfriend.
I am not an ideal guy.
I am not an ideal person.
I am not an ideal friend.
I am nothing.

just shit. (I admit)

I lose... ya... I lose to myself...

i dunno how long can i keep my relationship with jamie as i know that there's some problem now...

i dunno how much longer can i stand my mom...

i dunno how long can i be normal.

i dunno how long will my mask takes to crack.

i dunno ...

for those with happy families, treasure it... and u guys r lucky...

to jamie: sorry dear,

I have not have time for u. I know that u might feel very neglected...
but i still have to say sorry. i always say that i m busy. and u always say that i always say that.
but that is the fact. i seriously apologize..

anyway as u have read my above stuff... well, i m just saying or giving my piece of mind ... you shd know that i do have a lot of problems... well the reason for not telling u is i want to b selfish as i dun wan u to worry too much... as this sem is ur SIP.

well, loving u to me is easy but yet hard as time doesn't allow me to do that. and i know that knowing me is even worst... i dun wan u to end up getting hurt...

i hope u will understand... i have read the email that u send me...

i dunno wat to reply as i know that i am in fault.

well... i do miss you... but yet i dunno...

at first for me... accepting u is hard for me...

as i never put down my past...

but once i have u back, i did lighten my past...

but when sch starts ...

i only bring hurt to u...
sorry dear.

seriously when u say mia in msn, i tell myself, if that were to happen i will be the one to be mia.
or even die...

as i dunno how to face this world anymore...

promise me that you will live ...

well, anyway if u were to leave me, i wun be angry with u as i know that i am in wrong...

anyway sorry dear...

-------- Thanks guys for reading -------

well having acted for more than 5 years , it does helps a lot...

as u guys have always see an acting jacky...

hahahaz

ok... put on my mask again...

byez

well long long time din blog liao...

hahahazzz


LONG???

yep...

well... today is just not my lucky day...

firstly i had nightmare...
then i wake up late (i wake up at 8.30am)
then reach sch late(30mins late)
then body feeling wierd...
stomach is real bad...
then wanted to scan my stuff, but all scanners DOWN
CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-BYEEEEEEEEEEE

sorry just can't control myself...
see how bad luck m i...

suay

ok... today sound design class rox...
and i learn alot...
trust me...

as i am also a sound guy...
haha

although better in video and improving in 3d but still i am a sound guy...
=)

i do sound...

then went to find lecturer sharon but she not in... damn...

then saw shirlyn and run and pass her a form...
she ask me bout OSIP...

well... i really dunno...
SIP/ OSIP...

well i seriously dunno...

work has been killing me...
I can hardly breath

well...

hahahz...

then went for acting class...
well i mimic sharon the lecturer...
hahahaz

quite easy for me...

and fun...

then have fun during acting

(yes, acting is my ONLY relax module)

well after class i try to find a scanner to scan my stuff but all down... scanner as in A3 size scanner... haiz...

suay...

then go slack a bit...

then go line ani room and saw XH...

then stay dere for awhile...

then go and find chris and stan and stay throughout...
help them a bit in the angle...

hahahaz

video angle...
the rules of thirds...
the composition...

and whatever...

trust me video-ing is fun...

hahahaz

then start interviewing different students for the open hse...

heehee

cool rite...

then here I am..

later gonna check with siyuan, eunice, and sharon , tmr meet wat time?
then do research for apel...
then study some 3d tutorial and try out some...

then





then.




then..







then...





I











will












have












to













rest in peace