last day of 2004

i blog again...

Y???

because it's the last day of 2004...

i wanted to say that this yr 2004 is full of watever...
i m not myself anymore....
i wanna find back the old me...
the real me...
as i felt unnatural...

tears, laughter and all kinds of feelings... i learn to be strong....
doing some business now... and hope that i will help the company ...
but it sux...

i learn life in my 8 yrs of living...

i noe a lot of stuffs...

watever...

this is not important....

HAPPY NEW YEAR everyone...

May YEaR 2005 be a good start...

and GOD BLESS....

=P

i luv the way of living...

life...

life...

today i m going to talk bout life...

why i talk bout life???

actually it is becoz i believe that i am still unable to put down my burden and to stop feeling guilty...

it is such a cross feelings...

but...

nvmd...

how to treasure life???
I myself can't even answer this stupid ques. very hard to ans.

lolz

ya that's all....

wat a day... again...

ok mon, 20 dec

i didn't go sch due to two things busy with other stuff whereby i shouldn't say first... and ya that's all....

i m not a bad boy...

lolz

and busy busy busy...

6pm went to sch for a project meeting and ya that's all... and rush rush rush all my stuff...

super tired... bye

wat a day...

hahaz stress is coming i can feel it...

wth...

ya anyway went to mandarin (the one at marina square and orchard) to do some research for the IMDP1. hahaz... i m mad...

but i learn alot...

den today at orchard got the christmas thingy... and met my old friend derrick who is one of the in charge of the programme coolz... but i forgot which church was he from... nvmd...

and ya ended up with headache so i went hme.... well forgot to go work due to my busy scheduled hahaz... anyway needa buy lots of presents soonz.... $$$ gonna go empty liao... hahaz

ya

now sick.... juz finish my color wheel thingy lolz

but not that complete is only half....

i think i will read some buyer behaviour notez b4 I turn off... hahaz nitez ppl....

i m back to blogging liao

sianz sianz sianz

slacking liao

feels like stop working n concentrate on my studies but too bad... need $$$...

emmmm,,,

wat the hell...

ok since sch starts i m a stoner....

where is the me that is in the past....

nvmd....

and well, this sem for me is very the business.... so forget bout it..

yesterday went to museum to do ComDI with christine, xiao hui, wang yuan and emmmm...wat's her name... oh well nvmd....

i was late (very late) hahaz due to the cab driver... i says SAM and ended up at ROM there and ACM then to SAM.... wth...

nvmd...

den work on Botero all fat ppl...

but understand his thinking...

watever...

den went to cine n eat.... and know a secret...

since it is a secret i shall know say it out YET.... hahaz

and ya

that's all... bye bye

working later...

finally update again...

hahaz...now i m not a frequent blogger.... hahaz...

oh well, sianz...

my sem2 timetable sux......

everyday go sch... need to run between design n business sch....

sianz....

watever....

hahaz i will b working 3 days a week soonz...

now scared of line animation n life drawing.... as bad in drawing... watever

that's all....

.........................

sick sick sick...

when can i stop being sick...

this time round still slacking at hme...

i need air... and of coz $$$

hahaz

watever....

juz wanna throw out ...

bye

sianz

hhaha mc all the way to 25th nov... sianz... at hme nothing to do... and still have not recovered...

finally i posted something...

well, i didn't really went mia lately.... hahaz juz toooo sick to even get up from my bed...

dunno why oso???

firstly i got slight cough n i dun really care so after work i took a bathe n straight to bed... after i wake up, i felt giddy... and puke.... eeeeeeeeeeeee.... and i went to take my body temperature wat the hell. 38.9 .... den i went to the kitchen had some bread n took some of the fever syrup... andwent back into coma.... next morning 6am ++ i had my temperature check again, wtf... it is 39.3 ...

wat the .....

then i took a no pay leave from office an ddecided to rest at hme n i went into coma for the whole day and of coz i do take medicine...

wake up again, my temperature is 39.5 ...

getting higher each day...
den next morning went to see doc... doc say if this continues u will need to go for a blood test...

wat the...

luckily now temperature is between 37.8 to 38.4 ...

hhaahahaz

hope that i will be well again...

and maybe if possible tmr a monday i can go work le... yea... i miss my work...

=)

no title...

there is always a saying: if u really love someone, set him/her free...

is it always true to b like that?

i dunno...

is it easy to forget someone??? ans is NO...

well mayb i m juz talking nuts here... bye...

titleless...

i dunno wat happen...

i cried again after so many months of "tearless"...

i hate myself again...

i dunno wat exactly i want...

which path m i walking to...

some nitez i can't sleep...
i stone there thinking nothing...

some nitez i cry myself to sleep...

wat happen???

i dunno either...

i dunno myself well...
i wanna hide...

y i m here, in this world...
well, i dunno...

my life is a life without any smiles...

i feel empty...

watever...

life is different...
life is bad...

i dun wanna see tmr but i have to..

i m scared...
i m little...
i m nothing now...

helpless is me...
the deepest emotion of mine has arrived...

to turn left or turn rite???

i dunno...
as i m still stopping here...

life...
wat is it anyway...

watever...

update again...

watever is now my thinking...

i dunno why...

hahaz

well nvmd, let me update my blog again...

last nite my mom bought me a stefanie sun beijing concert vcd... happy... oh well, lolz...

den, sleep, didn't went online as i oso dun noe why...

den wake up at ten plus am...

running a fever n my voice a bit lost liao... hahaz...
den didn't go work...

but at bout 3pm, my father came hme n brought us to white sand where my brother today buy his bike... guess wat, a bike (originally cost $80), a chain, two bike lights and two bike bells.... cost how much??? u will nv guess it rite... hahaz...

it is $60....

wah y so cheap, hahaz as that shop is my father's friend shop... coolz.... next time i will go there n trade in my bike n change another as it is cheap hahaz...

then went home... ate my medicine n nothing else...

den now online... hahaz...

ya that's my life...

bye bye...

i dunno wat i m writing but i juz write...

wat happen to me....

i dunno

life is scary n dark n it is like living hell...

i cannot see the light ....

it is pitch darkness n i m all alone...

i m always battling on my own....

i wanted to escape but i cannot

i juz find myself running on the same spot....

wat is my life???

is it going to b like this forever...

i dun wan to b like this...

shd i stop.... or continue....

i dunno..

my update n personal thinking...

well, bought my new bicycle... nice n cycle everyday... hahaz...

and life is normal... nothing exciting...

hahaz...

well, days passed fast..
i dunno wat i want everyday...
juz like a walking corspe...
nobody knows the inner me...
feels like shouting to the world but something juz stop me...
i dunno wat...

listen to stef n fir songs ...
this time round i cried... i dunno y...
i juz feels like crying...

deep inside me is always a cry person...
y???

i dunno...
hahaaz...

sad is me... perhaps...
i m never happy..
all the smiles that i have are fake...

i wanted to find back myself but i couldn't....
i dun wana continue to be like that but control is hard...

watever...

05 nov 2004

04 nov

well, nothing much juz wake up n go work n slack during working time n go home...

ya only weide change his hp n number that's all...

but must thank my dear alot as she help me to change my blogskin n do links...
love u...

hahaz...

and on 05 nov, hopefully i m able to buy a bicycle.. hahaz

ya that's all n have fun...

=P

finally my update... hahaz

2nd nov.

hahaz nothing much...

juz "eat pizza"...

hahaz...

and then a ride along east coast....

very tiring....

ya that's it...

3rd nov...

hahaz wat i did???

well, juz work work work...

then go 85 market eat..

then wait for rain to stop...

then home sweet home...

hahaz...

a plenty of thoughts...

wat the...

all of a sudden a lot of thoughts...

i m feeling damn stressed up...

i dun like to b at home facing the four walls...

juz feeling hard to breathe...

i need my own life..

lead my own life...

i love the sea...

the sand...

mayb this is the life that i have long to pursue...

and life is juz life...

ad why there's a lot of thinking in me...

i oso dunno...

mayb needed to face the reality of life...

i have been hiding myself...

ya..

those who know me well will know bout me keeps hiding myself... as i dun wan to look at this scary world...

i m mostly quiet as i think inside me...

well, i think i have enough typing for today...

so bye n i will continue blogging tmr if i come hme early hahaz...

mostly will not come hme early de hahaz...

bye bye... need to sleep... so as to prevent more thinking... =P

and sorry to my dear as i neglect u again...

my deep me now...

juz feeling sad n a down feeling now...

my dad all of a sudden quarrel with me... i know my temper super well n i juz burst out...

i juz dun understand my dad well enough...

i dun wan to live a life that is so stress up by my dad...

from young till now... wat he wanted to me to do i have already done it...

he doesn't wanted me to b in design sch but i choose to b as i wanted a life of my own n maybe this makes him so angry...

i dun wanna be controlled...

need a break...

01 nov

hahaz yesterday nite forgot to blog... hahaz

so today's blog will b a long one...

well, life is beautiful...

especially learning how to control a bike even more...

well, hahaz nothing much during working hrs yesterday....

well, went to great world city with my family...

and ate kimchi soup set.. yum yum...

and finally bought stefanie sun album... nice... this album is out of the usual stefanie way of singing... hahaz... coolz...

and then work lor...

then during the nite went to fengshan food centre to eat with weide, angela, and ah kiat... wow... chicken wings n minced meat noodles... hahaz...

hahaz they got bike but i dun have and later they say wan to go pasir ris beach... hahaz so i say ok... and i stand on weide's bike's stand for almost an hr to pasir ris beach... hahaz once reach there leg super tired... hahaz... then went try cycling on angela's bike... hahaz...

then fun... very fun... nite cycling is much more cool...

then stand on weide's bike back bedok for another hr and reached home bout 3am... hahaz

then sleep...

and today my off day... sianz.... slac all the way hahaz... that's all...

=P

have fun ...

31st oct

now juz feeling bored...

hahaz...

30th oct>>>>

working as usual...

then meet my dear....

no place to go...

so walk around bedok...

then go to simei east pt...

walk walk...

heard stefanie sun new song ... very nice...

den go to pets safari.... cute....

then go n walk her hme but didn't go hme first sit at an area and tok tok...

then kanna disturb by the irritating noise... so shift place...

then continue toking n ..........

then send her hme...

then back to bedok...

drop my library bk into bk drop...

then went hme...

sianz all the way...

sleeping soonz...

nitez everyone...

--- the end ---

30th oct

sianz...

i mean yesterday is work work work... me n my dear HOMA hahaz...

then go home n go online...

have a chat with stanley n know that he is stress up but juz wanna to tell him follow ur heart...

and anyway that's all for today...

bye..

29th oct

Happy One month anniversary between u and me... hahaz

i have not forgotten as i have write i down liao...

juz playing with u...

well wish u happy...

i love u...

28th oct

well i m back home...

hahaz when i reach home i went for my bath n took my breakfast n lunch together n went for a straight 9 hrs sleep... hahaz... now still feeling tired...

when wish to go wild wild wet but my body n mind juz wanna sleep n as for me, i cannot really swim so hahaz... i have a phobia with water as when i was three i nearly kanna drown in the sea... hahaz...

and last nite i went to chalet very late at bout nine plus pm.... hahaz... without my dear accompany me as she got something on... hahaz... and when i reached the busstop i met max n siyuan they r going hme... sad siaz... nvmd...

hahaz

and continue my journey into the chalet...

and when i reach there it was quite a little ppl... but i was tired as the previous nite i had only an hr sleep and juz knock off from work... sianz...

hahaz

then talk talk n nothing else..

well, the rest leave for beach except for a few of us who stay behind and joining them later... and drank some white wine n know a new friend (errrrrrrrr forgot ur name, sorry)...

hahaz...

and go to the beach... but wat the ______..... hahaz as juz reach there n not more than 30 mis we r leaving back to the chalet....

well hahaz...

then have a long chat with stanley....until it rains and went in n have a lot of chats n hear stories from a gp of crappy friends while most of them r asleep...

hahaz

but i was also sleeping for 30 mins... hahaz

ya that's all...

without u accompany me i do feel lonely... so i dun wan to have this feeling anymore...

27th oct

well today nothing to interesting...

emmm...

when i reach my workplace siew lian says got something to tell me but at the end she says she forgot hahaz...

then count money listen briefing... hahaz...

then open counter... sianz not much ppl n didn't realy run counter...

hahaz too bad my dear cannot accompany me, as she is in YMCA hahaz...

well packing n off to chalet soonz and tmr off day so...

see u bye bye

26 oct a lot of things happen

well let me start from early in the morning before the sun rises...

at 6.30am i m at ntuc reporting for work...

then go n do some plastic bags work n stay at counter...

today i very good didn't run...

then serve customers lor n got rain hahaz

and at bout 12.30pm, all ntuc screen begin to offline... that means the changing shift staff cannot sign in n so those who r still keying for customers will have to continue... lucky me sign off liao n cannot sign in back so i dun need to help clear q as it is super long as only a few counters r still manage to operate...

then i go count $$$ and balance... heng ahz...

suppose to meet my laopo at 2.30pm but both of us r late... hahaz but she is slightly earlier than me... hahaz

then sit bus to tampines...

walk walk at tm... challenger.... cash converters... spotlight .... this fashion ... then spend most of our time at CS... and we went to the forth level n there's this christian shop n take a look at their bibles n some cute bookmarks... then go fifth level n spotted tarot cards... cute le... me n my dear bought one each she bought cardcaptor sakura and me final fantasy... hahaz and each cost of $8.90... cheap rite... then she also bought one of her idols tony sun pic... and put it in her so called wallet hahaz...

then we went all the way down n since she looks hard in digging her money out i juz bought her a blue dolpin handphone accessory... hahaz

and she looks happy as she used to lost it... hahaz

and then we went to the chalet...

and have fun...

know a new friend Martin, quite a crappy person... hahaz...

and stanley can cook very well yumyum... hahaz

and call it off a day at 10 plus n send my dear home...

and at 11 plus reach bedok interchange n saw my friends playing poker n i went over to disturd them...

afterall, angela, weide and andrew send me home with their bike... hahaz

and the end...

i want to buy a bike... hahaz...

love....

this is a writing by my friend if i m not wrong hahaz... well hahaz .... read it...


Walking on a path that leads to my biggest mistake ever made.

With tears in my eyes and fears in my heart.Every step i take the fear in me grew bigger.

Snow falling,landing geantly on the forest ground.Is cold but i can hardly feel a thing.

I am not sick but my heart's aching,terribly unlike any thing i've felt before.

It has bee years since i last seen you eye to eye.

I should have never have ask you out on a jouney that ends out destiny.

My carelessness cause your goodbye.You save me from falling and you left without me.

Standing there watching you fall futher away from me,lossing you my heart is breaking.

Remembering the last word you told me..."I LOVE YOU".Tears bust out of my eyes,

i am sorry i have broke my promise again....You once said that you would do anything just

to make me happy,but now i only ask to see you standing infront of me.I want to see you

please........A part of me is missing.If only i have done something quick it would not be

you i have been lossing.

You have done so much for me what more could i ask for?You are more than a

thank you i wil be saying more than a kiss i would be giving, you are more then anything in the world to me,but i've never made a point to tell you this.....If i would only have stop for a second

or two to tell you how much you mean to me,and yet you still love me without a doubt.

I'm sorry........ i'm sorry.

Time has pass i have bee patience for so long hoping that you will come

back one day and i have been longing for you so much.How could i pertend to

be so strong......Not to worry i will live my life to the fullest like how as you were alive.

Cause i still love you.

25th oct, mon

today is a bored day...

luckily didn't late for work...

hahaz today actually work 6.30am but come at 12pm hahaz... dunno watz... hahaz

and didn't kanna scolding hahaz...

today ahz open less than an hr counter.... the rest of the time do stock hahaz...

sianz...

earnings for today less than one thousand at the end still short $10...

nvmd... when i get my pay then i pay back lor... sad siaz...

and today must sleep really early as tmr work 6.30am. hahaz...

wah so early siaz...

nvmd...

as tmr got chalet.... yea... can play...

well..... qiuwei mayb coming too hahaz...

ok la this is it for today....

enjoy....

sianz....

very sianz...
very bored...
dunno wat to do...
=P

my back story

i dunno y i wanna to write this down but maybe i juz wanna it to put kept in this blog...

i noe that ppl who reads my blog will ask who is wendaline...

i dun wanna lie...

she is my ex (shd i say is my ex)

anyway it is my fault anyway ...

i dun wan it to happen...

but it has happen...

i know this gal when i was in sec 3. she is oso in sec 3 too but dif sch.
we went on happily n so we go as stead...

oh well, we had been together for one year... that can b considered long...

but a thing happen that i actually till now still cannot forgive myself...

i wanna meet her and i was waiting for her near a junction. then i saw her n she was smiling(that was her last smile.) she crossed the road but car juz came by n knock her down ...
i was shocked... i dunno how to react...

but all i know is that she left me...

forever...

till now i still can't forgive myself... why must it be like that... why everything happens to me...

my family n some of friends do not know bout this as i didn't intend to tell them...

crying has been years...
pain can nv stop...
regrets is forever...
tears keeps flowing...

shd i give up?

7 days to live

If I had seven days to live
And you'd ask me what i'd do
I'd spend my first six days with God
and my last day with you.

On the first day, I'd ask the Lord above
To take care of the one I love
'Coz there's no one else I'd rather have
Than you my one and only love.

I'll pray to Him the second day
to take away your fears
'coz it'll only break my heart
to see my love in tears

The third day i'd be asking Him
To forgive me for my sins
and if I may, I'd beg Him pls
For another chance to live.

The fourth day's for thanksgiving
For the blessings we receive
He had blessed me when I met you-
The best gift i received.

On the fifth day will be prayers
for all of mankind
that all may find peace in their hearts
and soon will reunite.

A prayer for preparation
will be on the sixth day,
that he may take me to Heaven
and not the other way.

I'll thank God for the seventh day,
'Coz i'll pass my time with you
that before I leave this world, you'll know
how much I loved you...

when i feel troubled

i will go to the beach pasir ris beach so friends u shd noe where to find me... when u can't contact me...

wat a day...

today is 23rd oct 2004.

oh well, another busy day... -.-

everyday seems to b the same....

last nite tears accompany me to sleep...
dunno why?

this morning nothing interesting...

afternoon while working my colleagues(aunties) keep on asking me to change $ with her...
and i keep on saying wait until i get mad.... i juz shouted shut up... and wait at my counter while serving customers... hahaz and they really shut up...

evening i went home...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

in my heart or mind....

I dunno wat's wrong with me... i cry myself to sleep... i juz dunno wat i want...
i shd turn left or turn rite?
shd i juz give up everything...
i hate the stress ...
i cannot take it anymore...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

but one word qiuwei i hope that u will give me time...
read ur msg liao...
u noe me well...
i noe in my heart there's still wendaline...
but i noe that it is impossible for me n her together as she is gone forever...
i m trying hard to maintain me n u...
as i dun wanna lose u....
if u r reading i love u....

the end...

results

oh well before i get to know my results my feelings is in a mess...
i always think that i need to take sup paper...

but heng ahzzzzzzzzzzzz

i pass all.. =P

so happy

hahaz

oh well a mixture of feelings now..

had a dream last nite...
dreamt of my ex and saw that we r at the place where she leave me forever... she was happy that i m able to put down my burden... but i noe that it is not true at all... i m still thinking of her deep inside me... i noe that now i m in a relationship n shdn't think of it but it failed....

oh well... watever...

anyway to qiu wei , i will try n put 100% on u...

and to wendaline, i will miss u n will not forget u....

sorry again new one

i forgot my password n login name for the old one liao... hahaz

anyway today i shd b at the halloween party but i didn't go due to work...

work is more important to me so sorry guys esp stanley mayb u r now covering my duties.... hahaz

oh well....